At the start of lockdown I could clearly imagine what my exit from it would look like: who I’d hug first, who I’d be dying to see in person as soon as possible, etc. So many plans rescheduled quickly where we’d all laugh about those crazy few weeks stuck at home.
But it turns out I was pretty far off.
Now, six months in, I can’t stop thinking about how different my social circles are these days.
There’s that Maya Angelou quote, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” I kind of feel like there are a lot of people I was friends with who constantly showed me who they were over and over throughout the years and I ignored it. Or maybe I gave them a pass. I think maybe I gave out too many passes out of sheer convenience. I brushed too many subjects under the table (ie politics) that I can no longer brush under the rug. I pretended to care about things to fit in with certain friends that I truly could not care less about.
I did something horribly depressing (but also kind of eye opening?) this week and looked back at my calendar in the weeks leading up to the lockdown. (This feels very Lies I’ve Told My Therapist…lol.) [Editor’s note: IT IS.] Everybody seemed to be rambling on and on about wanting to go back to how it used to be and I wanted to see what “it used to be” even looked like, I’d forgotten. I couldn’t believe it. A number of people I had plans with in those weeks pre-pandemic I haven’t even spoken to throughout this whole thing. Not so much as a check in.
What does that say about those relationships? What does that say about me?
But I’ve also gotten way closer to people I wouldn’t have expected. I’ve even made new friends in a pandemic which feels pretty major.
There have been so many stories about the impact of the pandemic on marriages, but I haven’t seen much out there on friendships so I immediately worry that I’m the only one who’s sensed their friendships changing.
What’s the friendship equivalent of friend-zoning someone in a pandemic? It’s not defriending, but it’s definitely a demotion.
Should I be mourning those friendships? Will they come back? Do I want them to?